apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I've blown a few things in my day
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
