i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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