We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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