Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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