we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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