Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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