She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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