no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
