even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
