just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
