Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize