Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
