theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
