yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Pants are for mortals
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize