Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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