y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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