Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
