My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
