dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
