Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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