Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I intend to get homeless drunk
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
