Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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