Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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