Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
