I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
