ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
