What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
