Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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