Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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