I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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