Got a toothbrush?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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