Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
