I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
