I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
