Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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