He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
3pm strippers are depressing
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I deserve to be covered in dicks
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
