dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize