Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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