I heard we made out
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
