i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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