I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Welp...herpes.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
