That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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