matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
