Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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