I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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