is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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