didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
