You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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