You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So vagazzling was a success
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
