You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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