So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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