DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
its liver damage thursday
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
