I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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