Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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