i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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