You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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