if you like me you must not know who I am
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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