Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
