WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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