So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
