is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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