Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize