you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my sisters under your porch take her home
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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