I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
