Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
How's work?
Spinning.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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