Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
