Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Randomize
