I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
