Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
