I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
