I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
