I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i wish my penis had a tongue
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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