You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize