my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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