We named our party play list daddy issues
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
