Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
