3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
