you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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