you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
