im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I AM VODKA MAN
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
