i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
