Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
