Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
