Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
