I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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