Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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