Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize