I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
