Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
