i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
