I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just cropdusted the office
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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