He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
