Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
