I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
smell my finger.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
