The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
