Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
