So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize