I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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