after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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