I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
