They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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