We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
