Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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