Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
