I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Enjoy the penises
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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