Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
