What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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