I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
