Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
pray to the hookup gods
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
