True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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